Super Smash Bros Present: Hot Spring Chaos
by AriZonia1
Summary: Some of the males of Smash have decided to monopolize the Mr. Saturn Hot Springs for the evening, it doesn't end well for some of them. (More characters inside) SPOILER FREE!


**Author notes:  
**

 **Just to be clear, this takes place in the timespan between chapters 6 and 7 of Heart-to-S Support, and this isn't really meant to be taken all that seriously.**

 **Also, Ryu and Roy are here despite it being fall in-universe because... reasons.**

* * *

 _Super Smash Bros. Present: Hot Spring Chaos_

The Mr. Saturn Hot Spring was the top spot to be in for the Smash Bros. fighters as it was the only place on the Mansion grounds to soak in a hot bath. Many years ago when Master Hand first built this place for the original twelve, it was designed with only cold to lukewarm showers to allow the Smashers of that time to get a quick bath before or after a match. The design has since stuck and the hot spring was added during the Melee days when Ness accidentally brought a few of the little creatures with him and they automatically set themselves to making it without Desmond's permission. Considering though that the young Ness offered to help maintain the place it was kept at the Manor. Nowadays there's enough excess Mr. Saturn's there that Ness and Lucas only occasionally help get more water when enough evaporates.

As there is the fact that the bath has an oddly convenient 'clothing optional' rule, Desmond implemented a schedule that has all male-identifying individuals allowed in at certain times while the female-identifying are allowed at a separate time. Those identifying as both or neither can meander in at any time, though the only ones that do that are the Villager children as most others that are outside the gender binary are ones that can't use the bath like MegaMan and R.O.B.. It's not a set-in-stone rule as the different genders are allowed to intermingle, it's just that most of the time they'd rather remain separate for either cultural or personal reasons.

Tonight, however; the hot springs is being monopolized by most of the males of Smash Mansion along with Magnus, Ryu, and Roy. Besides them, there was an extra person in the form of Robbi's husband Henry. He's a mysterious fellow that somehow managed to get past Master Hand's anti-witch shield along with somehow just getting into the dimension period. He seemed to be enjoying his time in the bath though with his comrades-in-arms Chrom and Robin along with the other various fighters.

"So uh… Henry's yer name right?" Little Mac starts as he stretches his back and receiving a gleeful nod out of the dark mage. "How'd ya get through the ol' anti-witch shield-a-ma-jiggy Desmond has set up?"

Henry lets a coy smile slide. "Heehee, I'm a Dark Mage silly. No amount of anti-witch trickery can stop me!"

While those two discuss the fineries of his dark magic, Dunban is off a little ways from them wading in the water to take a seat close, but not quite next to, Magnus. He's a little upset on how frizzy and unruly his hair is getting in this humid environment but curses himself for not keeping his hair tie on him today. Perhaps he could just dunk his head into the water. Yet, there's the fact he's nearly surrounded by other guys and he doesn't really want to come off as a pervert. Not that it matters, the water is extremely clear and the only thing keeping all the guys in the bath from being exposed is the light layer of steam encompassing them.

After a few minutes of this relaxation, Pit and Kuro finally decide to enter into the hot springs and join their fellow fighters. The older angel gets the most mischievous smile on his face as he passes by Ryu meditating under one of the many waterfalls completely naked while he slowly enters the warm water. At that same he watches as Dunban adjusts himself as so he can submerge himself fully into the bath. This idea of his only gets better as he sees Marth and Roy conversing off to the side about what's happened since the redhead's been gone while Link casually shakes his head like a dog to get the water out of his hair. In addition to them is Red and Calem making bets on something or another. Finally Shulk is sitting behind Robin and rubbing his shoulders after a long day of training while the latter converses with Chrom about battle strategy.

Pit slowly makes his way towards Magnus before speaking. "So Magnus, you remember the three steps to properly relaxing in a hot spring?"

"Considering you nearly pulled my pants off while in my body, it's a little hard to forget Angel Face." The mercenary replies as he takes his hand and pushes the small angel off him.

At that same time Ike turned his head and watched the tail-end of that conversation just before Pit waded away to sit next to his twin to stretch and fluff his wings. With this many people present, the Radiant Hero wouldn't be surprised if Pit started something. Right on that cue Dunban finally comes up for breath and the brunette's ever-present grin only gets wider.

"Impressed with what you saw down there?" Pit inquires as he stretches out.

The war veteran cocks an eyebrow in confusion. "Excuse me? Are you asking if I was under the water inspecting everyone's manhood? Even if I was, what do you care?"

Snickers can start to be heard in the area as some of the innocent Mr. Saturns begin to stop and watch the scene unfold before them.

The next to speak was Henry. "Oh. I love fights! They always end as they start, with bad blood!"

"Well, it doesn't matter what ol' samurai thinks because everyone in this bath knows 'he who has the biggest feet is the biggest to meet'." Magnus replies as he tries to casually sling his arm over Dunban's shoulder only to be pushed away before receiving a low growl. "Don't lie, you know it's true."

Roy decides to butt in and add his two cents. "It's not always about size you know! You have to have _technique_!" He stops to see most of the guys around him nodding, in particular Pit and Henry. "There's also the amount of women you get into your bed. I managed to get seven!"

A slight giggle out of Henry. "That's why I ended up getting my sweet Robbi instead of Chrom heehee! Even if he does have a better ass than I!"

" _Henry!_ " Chrom shouts.

Robin's jaw drops slightly at the exchange between his brother-in-law and friend. That was probably the last thing the tactician wanted to hear about said friend, or his sister in all honesty. Outside that though, that remark seems to have sparked something in Pit's nearly one-track mind.

"Maybe I should just go ahead and measure everyone to see!"

Kuro angrily floofs his feathers. "Or you can just sit your ass down and not touch anyone Pitstain."

"Come off it Devil Face." Magnus adds. "I know I have both of those things anyway, there's someone in here that can vouch for me."

Quietly Shulk rests his head on Robin's shoulder before speaking. "I don't think size or technique really makes much of a difference in my opinion. Sex is supposed to be an act of emotions."

Pit snickers. "How would you know that? Have you had sex like the rest of us?"

"He better not have!" Dunban snaps as he glares at Robin. "Not while he's unmarried, or at least twenty!"

 _"Married you say?"_ Robin thinks. "And what's it matter if some of us are virgins or not?"

Before anyone was able to answer Kuro immediately stood up from his spot with tears welling up at the sides of his eyes. At that sudden shift in tone and movement concerned Pit as he watched his younger twin turn around and crawl out of bath so he could run out of the hot spring. Everyone watched in bewilderment as Pit follows after him, some feathers coming loose and fluttering to the ground as he ran after the other angel.

After everything settles down again now that the angel twins have disappeared, along with Ryu finally directing his attention to the others in the area, Roy decides to pick up the conversation again.

"So… who here uses toys?" Roy asks cheekily as he slings an arm around a currently facepalming Marth.

Dunban is the first to speak. "I don't understand the appeal of them, I'd rather just have someone shag me in all honesty."

"Says the guy that howled using the vibrator that was borrowed from Princess Blondie." Magnus adds as he folds his arms and smiles.

Shulk can be seen blushing into Robin's shoulder at the blunt comments. The last thing he needs to be thinking about is his mentor's sex life. What's not helping is Marth yelling at Link about how kinky he's gotten with some of his tools, even if the latter denies using something like the hookshot or anything else he's found on his journey. Outside those two, Calem and Mac are finding great amusement in this conversation themselves, even if they're only barely at the age of consent for their respective homes.

"Considering the fact not all of us wish to admit we use toys for reasons a, b, or c." Robin starts as he clears his throat. "Do any of you have a particular position you prefer? Mac, let's start with you."

"W-what!? Look here dude, don't go grillin' me!" Mac responds angrily. "I'm mad single and a virgin. Besides, even I weren't, it's a little hard to have a favorite position with a lady dontcha think?"

Henry giggles and he lovingly scoots next to the boxer. "Not quite nya ha!"

"Henry. Please." Chrom mutters.

Everyone decides to try and move the conversation along as the Dark Mage starts getting disturbingly descriptive on how he likes to take his wife. It's as if he's trying to give Mac advice while getting Chrom jealous and embarrassing Robin. At the same time Marth and Roy managed to agree that it's best to look their mate in the eyes as the faces they make during sex are delightful.

"You have your opinions on that your Majesty and your Grace, but I'd rather not have anyone see my face during an act such as that." Dunban interjects as he runs a hand through his damp hair. "To each their own."

Henry decides to look at Robin and smiles wickedly before speaking again. "That's right! I feel that Robin here would _love_ to ride like a cavalier, just like his sister teehee."

The tactician sputters. "W-where did that idea come from!?"

"Well, between you and your partner, you _are_ the smaller one!"

Robin's face flushes quickly as Henry continues to cackle like a maniac at his statements. At that same point Ike and Magnus came to the consensus that anything goes in their minds. Link at that point shut up and refused to say if he was a virgin or not for this situation.

Despite the current situation, no one could ignore Captain Falcon announcing his presence. Douglas was always unnecessarily loud when he entered a room, and considering the topics at hand, him being there wasn't going to help. When the racer got situated in the open space that was once occupied by the angel twins, Roy decided to shift the conversation once again to how to properly please someone in bed. He would have said woman, but he's well aware that more than half of the guys here are either gay or bisexual, so he had to be more general. As he started talking and Douglas took a seat between Roy and Red, things started to get uneasy.

Now that the angel twins are confirmed to not be coming back, Magnus is starting to get a little touchy with Dunban. In addition to this, Calem is starting to let out some of his stereotypical Frenchman ways and getting oddly descriptive of what things he wishes to do when he gets a partner. It doesn't help matters much that Henry seems to be encouraging the young teen or that Chrom is doing absolutely nothing to help shut the Plegian up.

Shulk takes note of the unease building up in the hot springs as his mentor is slowly coming to a boiling point. Gently he pushes away from Robin to allow them some space before things get toasty. He doesn't even need to have a vision to tell things are going south extremely quickly.

"Magnus." Dunban says in a harsh whisper as he pushes the other man again as he attempts to set him on his lap. "Stop that, I don't wish to use force."

"Come on, usually you're ok with getting on top of me." Was the quiet response.

"Magnus! For the love of Bionis, stop!"

Everyone's attention is slowly being directed towards the two males as the water can be heard splashing. Calem's giggling is quite obvious as he enjoys the scene while some of the others, namely Mac, Chrom, and Shulk, start to notice a black aura starts to engulf Dunban's figure as he attempts to keep calm as well as some dancing sparks.

Shulk leans in to whisper in Robin's ear as Magnus attempts to grab the older Homs one last time. "I hope you're electric-proof."

"What?"

There was no time for explanations as Dunban lets out a roar while yelling 'ENOUGH' towards Magnus constantly touching him and proceeds to let out all his excess Ether in the form of Thunder against specifically the mercenary. Considering out of all his auras to use he used Heat Haze, instead of trying to _actually_ remain calm with Serene Heart, the electricity his body just unleashed was about twenty-five percent more potent than it usually would be in any other circumstance. Unfortunately the sudden jolt only really affected the Ylliseans, Mac, Douglas, Marth, Roy, and a the few Mr. Saturns that had been swimming in the water. Red and Calem were used to being electrocuted, Ike and Magnus were bulky enough to not be affected, Shulk is a fellow Homs, and no one knows with Henry. Even if the electrocution attempt itself failed to get Dunban's point across, the fact it happened in the first place finally got Magnus to understand he doesn't want to be touched, or at least show a public display of affection.

The war veteran is still obviously fuming as he stands up from the water abruptly and storms out of the hot spring, tossing unconscious Mr. Saturn's out of his way in the process, hoping at least one will bop the mercenary in the head.

Shulk lightly pokes Robin's shoulder as he lays face up in the bath in an electrocuted daze. He was mostly concerned with both his father figure as well as his fianceé as both are already on bad terms. The same can't be said about the face-down Chrom or the delicate Marth trying to get the stars out of his eyes after his head slammed into Roy's.

With everyone either knocked out or, in the case of Henry and Calem, laughing at his nonsense, Magnus decides to take his leave as well. The tingling sensation of being electrocuted was starting to make his skin crawl. Not only that, but the fact that Mac, Ike, and Red were starting to give him dirty looks wasn't really helping matters much. Perhaps he should have a talk with the swordsman after everything calms down for the night.

* * *

Off in another portion of the mansion, specifically Pit's room, the angel twins were having a discussion about what had happened down in the hot springs causing Kuro to leave. They had arrived only about a minute ago since the angel captain's room is quite a ways away from the hot spring unfortunately.

"Come on Pittoo! I didn't mean to insult you down there, I was joking with Magnus!" The brunette explains carefully as he grabs a tissue for his crying twin.

Kuro debates on slapping the hand away as he uses his hand to wipe the tears. "That doesn't change the fact all of you were talking about your stupid sizes or sleeping with other guys! And for the last time! Quit calling me that!"

For once in his life, the older angel decides to try and understand the situation. "Look, all that stuff everyone, including those aliens, were talking about. It wasn't directed towards you. More or less it was banter amongst themselves, and I was part of it."

"That doesn't matter! I don't have the size like Magnus or technique like Roy! How am I supposed to impress Luci!?"

Pit chose not to speak any more as his twin goes silent as well. Considering he knew full well his twin is a virgin, this is quite the dilemma.

"It's just so dumb because I'm the only person in this mansion that hasn't slept with someone else." Kuro whispers.

Pit chuckles. "That's not true! That loser Rob is totally one! That's why he's so desperate to get in that alien's pants!"

"Do you think you should really be calling Shulk an alien all the time?"

"He's not human, what else do I call him!?"

"Uh… how about his name?"

It was obvious at this point the dark angel is trying to change the subject. Obviously talking about being a virgin is one thing the two can't agree upon. so maybe there will be a way of making it up to him?

"Hey, why don't I try hooking you guys up? Peach said she wants to hold a party within the next month! So I can help you win her over!" He suggests happily.

Kuro snaps. "Why would I want you to do that?! I don't even want to go to some damn party! Besides, her stupid dad's going to be hovering over her like a hawk."

"True… Uh… how about I get you that game you've been wanting? The one with the cards in the box."

Crimson eyes start to shine brightly at the proposition. Clearly this was a solution that allows the two to put this situation behind them and hopefully ignore the drama they caused in the hot springs. Hopefully the same will be able to be said about Magnus and Dunban later...

* * *

 **Ending note:**  
 **Just to be frank, Dunban's aura Heat Haze was a last minute decisions because it ups his critical chance to 100% and a critical hit gives 25% more damage to an attack. Based on base calculations, in Xenoblade terms, the hit would do at LEAST 1760 damage.**


End file.
